A Prelude to Rehab

“Good timing” is not an event. It is just the juxtaposition of single moments that come together to present a moment of opportunity. It can easily turn into bad timing.

A one-night stand can be a result of good timing. A man listens to a song introduced to him by a random friend He goes to a bar. In the bar he picks the song at the jukebox. A woman is in the bar. She’s drinking more heavily tonight because her boyfriend is being a total ass. Prior to bar, she has been listening to previously mentioned song as a healing moment. Man plays song in bar, woman is touched by it. She walks over, connection established. She’s ovulating. He has blueballs. One-night stand coming right up.

Bad timing: Woman still dealing with old boyfriend. Man shattered in life by his abandonment issues but attends an intensive psycho-therapy curriculum, yet not quite ready enough to go back into the playground. Both their careers are barely floating. But they love sex so they keep on keepin’ on. Sooner or later, the sex isn’t enough and they’re both head cases. Bad timing.

“I LOVE MY LIFE” (originally written in October 2001)

A party doubling as a work day
A copper dinner table and sexy trance
Fondue, lamb, shrimp from the bay
A conversation with a guy in red pants

A flat-chested woman
An interior decorator
(she designed this house)
Deft and bright and cheerful
A connector and a facilitator
So savvy, so content. She could be
Perceived as a witch with a b.

A man in the corner
Holding court among the masses
Giving and getting attention
A gift of gab.
Youthful angst?
Youthful exuberance.
So much good music
I win again.

Outside the box thinkers
Not chained by the mentality of the bottom feeder.
Creativity has no time clock
The only way I know what time it is
Is that the sun is coming up
It was all very smashing

And I thought of you often
You could have laughed all night
The banter, the energy, the moonlight chill
Seeing beyond. Tapping the well.

Back in April I wrote:

“I wonder much of the day, who is really on your team? Who really wants to see you succeed? Who really has your best interests at heart? Who really wants to take the plunge with you? I often say that it takes me 365 days – one cycle of the earth to travel around the Sun — to really get a sense of someone, their intentions, their outlook on life, their ability to roll with the punches, their grip on reality – not the reality in one’s own head, mind you, but the reality of how people operate in this world.

I’m thinking about revising my 365 day criteria to 3,652 days. That’s a whole decade. People just come and go, all the time, right, so is a year really enough? As I look around the room tonight, standing with me are two people who’ve been around for more than a decade and a few people who’ve somehow been dancing in the circle also for more than a decade who are now here tonight. I order a round for everyone present.”

I am proud to announce that I have reduced this grace period from 365 days to 120 days. One year reduced to a third. (Does the term exist which defines a third of the season? A steak dinner to the winner of this question.)

By the way, I will take that pat on the back, thank you.

STAY.

READ THIS OUT LOUD. IT SOUNDS BETTER THAT WAY.

You and I have a connection.
It is undeniable, unequivocal and irresistible.
Don’t do what you and I were taught to do.
When it gets tough we duck our heads.
In order to gain, embrace the hurt.
To inform. To know. To change. To gain.
At the bottom of the mountain is shit and dirt.
Only the resilient climb to the top.
To see it through. To see the view.
Everyone puts their faith and gold on a fast start.
Sounds naturally comforting. Reassuring. Reaffirming.
But never as fulfilling as the end.
Especially for the tortoise and the late bloomers.
Ask the hare. And the Chicago Bears.
To fall. To learn. To fight. To share. To connect.
Ask for help if you must.
In the end, we will come together again.
I know you feel it. Believe it. Have faith in it.
It is undeniable, unequivocal and irresistible.
You and I have a connection.
It is undeniable, unequivocal and irresistible.
Believe it. I know you feel it. Find your faith in it.
You and I have a connection.
To fall. To learn. To fight. To share. To connect.
In order to gain, welcome the past.
Cry long and hard if you must.
In the end, we will come together again.
You and I have a connection.
It is undeniable, unequivocal and irresistible.
Only the resilient find the top.
So see it through. Let’s see the view.
Together.

If you have at least six items from (1) , (2), and (3) and at least two from (1) and one each from (2) or (3), you may be emotionally autistic.

(1) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
* marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate emotional interaction.
* failure to develop emotional relationships appropriate to evolutionary level
* a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest)
* lack of social or emotional reciprocity

(2) Qualitative impairments in communication as manifested by at least one of the following:
* delay in, or total lack of, the development of spoken language (not accompanied by an attempt to compensate through alternative modes of communication such as gesture or mime)
* in individuals with adequate speech, marked impairment in the ability to initiate or sustain a conversation of an emotional basis (also: using Hallmark Cards with a handwritten signature as a sign that the message is from the heart)
* stereotyped and repetitive use of language or idiosyncratic language, (such as. “I Love you.” Or “I’m doing the best that I can”)

(3) Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
* encompassing preoccupation with money and power and obsession with keeping up with the Joneses
* apparently inflexible adherence to specific, emotional rituals
* stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., inability to hug, show support for others’ hopes and achievements, inability to show gratefulness)
* persistent preoccupation with materialistic objects as a method to express love

My parents are afflicted with a severe strain of Emotional Autism and it affects over 298 million other Americans. Act now. It may affect you and your loved ones from achieving their potential. God forbid, if you are afflicted, you had or are having children, because it CAN be passed on to them.

There is a cure. Get professional help. You are not too old and it is never too late to find it. There are people out there…not the people who are making money off your emotional autism (i.e.: Oprah, Dr. Phil or the Second Baptist Church of Houston) but people who specialize in getting you right. Invest in getting yourself right with the proper program. You wouldn’t just learn guitar or pilates from a book, would you? You owe it to yourself.

Please clear the furniture before running amok. Please do not have any children until you are cured, because emotional autism is communicable. Thank you.

WASHINGTON D.C., April 7 — Since Congress passed the National Legalize Marijuana Act, affectionately dubbed the No Stoned Left Behind Unturned Bill, the national gross domestic product has shot up 54%, mainly due to the sharp increase in food sales such as Chef Boyardee Ravioli, increases in late night 7-11 and Circle K binge sales, increased movie theatre attendance and strangely enough, increases in purchases of articles such as gnomes, lava lamps, and paintings from independent street vendors. Says Mendocino resident Rose Stevenson “Ever since pot was legalized, I just love sitting in a theater watching the Animal Kingdom commercials that come on before the movie. It’s just like home, with a huge ass big screen TV, but with 100 other stoned people. I just can’t stop staring and laughing. It’s so weird!”. ConAgra, Inc. the makers of the ever-popular Chef Boyardee lunch foods, is having a difficult time meeting demands to its unexpected rise in canned sales to adult males. They have historically catered to mothers with pre-teen children. “I wish Chef Boyardee would make man-sized cans of ravioli,” says Massillon, Ohio resident, Don Lontkowski. ” I’ve discovered a renewed love for the ravioli I ate when I was a kid, Since Congress passed the Douchie bill, I can’t stop eating it. It’s a little frustrating that the cans are so small.” Chunky Soup has made a man size can for years, though according to Lontkowski, “it’s still not enough for a satisfying lunch, but hey, at least they’re trying,”

Crime has also plummeted 68% across the nation, since the No Stoned Unturned Act was passed. However, Republicans and the Christian Coalition Consortium have complained about the increased number of citizens dancing nude and the drum circles gathering in the street.

White collar crime in Houston continues its steady growth. A Congressional Task Force has been dispatched to the city to explore a theory that the humidity in those parts of the region has a serious adverse effect on the brain. Another theory: one of the common effects of having a steady dose of THC in one’s diet is diminishing the need for extravagant possessions, and as such, female Houstonians are resistant to the idea of relinquishing their material possessions diligently acquired through the popular technique of marrying rich. “There ain’t no way God wants me to give up my Land Rover and all my other nice things, if my friends aren’t going to do it,” says Laura Lee Davis, attending a rally in the Houston Country Club last week.

P.S.: This is just a parody of an article. My attempt at being “The Onion.”

Meeting and connecting with people, all looking for their simple truth. Finding more and more people who believe in me enough to tell the world, so much so I’m letting go of the people I’ve always made so much time and energy to convince. And not letting go in hate or in spite, but for the sake of respect: respect for me for what I bring to your life and respect for yourself to realize when you have someone in your life that gives his life passion in what he does, you must nurture it, because it is a gift from the heavens. If you don’t cherish that gift, you don’t respect or value yourself welll enough. When someone unequivocally believes in you with all their heart, it is a phenomenal feeling to absorb. I’ve met a handful of people this week who’ve radiated that kind of energy to me. It didn’t happen until I accepted the truth in my worth to the world, which I am realizing is humongous.

I feel your pain, and I wanted to share with you that I think it’s all going to be alright the moment you can find the resilience to face your truth. When you face the truth of who you are and what you value within yourself and what you hope to achieve in the long term, it all comes into place, because your effort takes its rightful obligation, the right people come along, and the proper opportunities come in your life.

To help you through the week, I’d like to dedicate to all of us, a song from the Beatles, a track from Sgt. Peppers’ Lonely Hearts Club Band, called “Within You Without You.” Enjoy, and have a great week.

We were talking-about the space between us all
And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth
Then it’s far too late-when they pass away.

We were talking-about the love that’s gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul-
They don’t know-they can’t see…Are you one of them?
When you’ve seen beyond yourself
Then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there-
And the time will come when you see
we’re all one, and life flows on within you and without you.

The culmination of a creative renaissance that officially began in 2000 is finally reaping the flashes of a harvest. A quantum leap of change, and re-direction in perspective. Seeing it all now, the way a major league baseball player sees himself on the field, the way a prodigiously prolific rock band has a singularly pure obessesion. A laser-like focus, not to be deterred (well–as much as I can at least). God was in the room today. A non-believer in me, so full of his own self-importance, finally came to terms that he wasn’t quite what he thought he was yet I had to absorb his negative energy and self-inflated ego. He couldn’t respect that I was a better athlete than he was. But I let him run around in his diapers, bitching and moaning, and finally, when the opportunity presented itself, reality bubbled to the surface. He was wrong. The victory wasn’t that I proved him wrong, but that I had the patience enough to show him that he just wasn’t all that. All in due time.
A mySpace member named “Christ” once commented: “All things being equal, love will remain, love will be all. Faith will no longer be needed.“

When, dammit?