Turned on the TV… and voila, there’s Boston Legal. It was the episode I had worked on before heading for the drive to New Orleans. A surreal moment of sorts, watching something on TV that symbolized where my head was only forty-some days earlier,like a reality check. As I watched specific scenes I recalled the specific thoughts I was thinking at the time that I was watching take after take after take on the set– the heavy things weighing on my mind: anticipating a long drive and the unknown of a journey I was compelled to take, what I was leaving behind, Mardi Gras and not really having a plan except to finish my script, but needing to get away, to heal, to find, to discover, to renew. So to sit here tonight, with my new set of eyes, watching the episode, it became more than watching it the way I guess the millions of people all over America were watching tonight. Some observations:

1) 75 is the new 60. William Shatner is 75 fecking years old, ladies and gentlemen. A few twelve hour working days for him on the episode and he was always a fecking pro. He is a machine. Kudos to you, sir.

2) The surreality of creating reality. In the episode, there is a SWAT situation in which a domestic terrorist takes the firm hostage. I choreographed most of the SWAT action. On TV, looked pretty real to me. BUT IT’S NOT! I made that shit up out of my head, out of my own educated guessing, most probably from watching other movies. And to think, millions of people watch, and what they see convinces them it’s real, “cause mah eyes ain’t failed me yet, mistah!” 

3) Neutral gear is still moving forward. I was going through a bit of a heartache at the time of the shoot and not feeling confident about getting through it, but as I watched the Boston Legal episode, recalling how I was struggling back then, I know from my experiences on the forty day journey away from Hell-A, that things will always work out somehow…and keeping still and quiet is so critical while things sort themselves so the answer becomes clearer. Not quite at 100% clarity, but I’m starting to feel more assured about the direction I’m headed and with whom I’m heading there. It’s nice to have met and shared with people along the way to know that at any moment I choose, life can become grand again.

“TIMSHEL…thou mayest.”  More and more, I’m experiencing the sublime feeling that occurs when one honors him/herself—doing so, you attract the people who believe in you, who fight for you, who want to experience life with you, Logically, that is where my energy shall go, yet still too much time wasted trying to rally the wrong people…including those closest to me on paper. Always been blessed with the eccentricity of vision and outside the box thinking and for a long time I campaigned to the wrong people—more than a few of them bottom feeders—dumbing myself down, stickin’ a hankie in my mouth. The result was a lot of lost opportunities and a diminished harvest. I relied on the wrong people to tell me if I was on the right track, and it seems that I am now watching some of those same people, some, really good friends, dog-paddling in their lack of foresight…and for a few, a bit too late. I feel sorrow for them. God help them. So many exceptional people around, why bother with the mediocrity and the people who share little faith in you? I should feel bad for them, but then again…shame on them. They had no right whatsoever to make the call.