I caught up with a couple of buddies during golf last weekend. Stanisky is banging a 20 year old. Dency married a six foot blond. He stands tall at five foot five. Even Nelson has himself a girl, a feisty brunette from New York. Today I missed the newness of getting to know somebody.
I spent the evening drinking a nice Syrah out of the bottle and took a little toke from a nugget someone told me came from Woody Harrelson’s private reserve.
After about ten minutes, I got the courage to go on to Craigslist to play a little online dating. Sure beats masturbating. Here are three entries that sounded interesting:
i’m good-hearted, beautiful, smart – 23
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Reply to: pers-113902767@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-11-26, 7:46PM PST
hi, i’m a 23 year old female. i went to ucla. i studied business economics. i think i’m intelligent, but i haven’t worked yet in any serious job. Last year and this year I was a substitute teacher because I wasn’t sure what i wanted to do when i graduated. i’m really still not. i am considered by many people to be very pretty. i am a irish/mexican mix. i will say that i do have a good body. i have long brown hair and green eyes. many people do think i’m attractive. however, i am laid back about how i look and clothes and make up aren’t a big deal to me. i do know about those things, it’s just i really don’t try to live too much on that superficial level. i smoke weed on occasion. if someone is really against marijuana, it might be hard to date me because i have a very positive view on it. i’m not a fan of chemical drugs though. alcohol is cool, but i’m not over the top about it. i do have a very good heart and was raised very well. i’m not going to lie, i would like to meet someone who may be interested in a serious relationship. i have alot to offer. i have a good personality, a good heart, am sweet, smart, friendy and a lot of fun. i also know myself well. i wouldn’t mind finding someone who i can take care of. I love to cook and chill out at home. i am open to age. i guess i would like someone who is physically attractive, but at the same time, i go more on personaity. thank you. please write to me and we can talk more if you feel like it. i’m looking for someone with a easy going personality who is smart and would want to be with a smart, beautiful intelligent girl who would care alot for them.
Click. – 27
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That’s what I’m looking for, a click with another person. Preferably male, between 27 and 36, and interested in more than a casual affair.
Good things:
*intelligent
*decisive
*funny – professional comedians get bonus points
*edgy
*a little dorky
In return I am:
*fun
*ambitious
*good conversation
*witty
*hip
Shall we?
I’m 41 – who’s out there?
Hello. I am an attractive, 41 year old female living in Burbank. I certainly don’t want to waste all your valueable time on your quest for life’s inner meaning and your latest fling so let me tell you guys a little about me and then a little about what I’m hoping to find out there.
I have curly red hair and brown eyes. I’ve been told I’m pretty even by men who had no hopes of ever getting a blow job out of me. I am tall, five foot eight and I’m in good shape with a strong and fit figure. I work out a lot, I do a lot of yoga and I love working up a sweat outside in the mountains. I’m certainly not ‘L.A. Skinny’ but I’m also not at all fat. I love music like Radiohead, U2, Beck, Dead Can Dance, David Byrne, Arcade Fire, and my secret guilty pleasure (at least on the cross trainer at my gym) No Doubt. God, that was hard to admit. I enjoy things like picnics at the bowl, picnics anywhere really ( I love cooking for a man), seeking out edgier art exhibits around town, some movies though I’m sick to death of big Hollywood, good Lord, what a bunch a crap out there, hiking and camping and I love nothing better than to escape L.A. for a weekend in Big Sur or Idyllwild or anywhere but here with a sweet, kind, nice smelling man. Yoga, meditation and body work are all important to me and I practice regularly. You don’t have to be a yogi but some spiritual appreciation for the beauty of life will make me take interest. Extra points if you are into Thai massage and partner yoga. I’m a nice girl, maybe slightly jaded but hey, I grew up in this town. I want what we all want: to be happy and to feel love and to make someone else feel good, too. And yeah, I have a picture and I’m willing to share it as long as you can construct sentences and charm the hell out of me in your first e-mail.
I wouldn’t mind seeing your picture but be aware that looks don’t drive me nearly as much as what kind of man you are and how you feel about the world around you. What kind of man are you, anyway? I’m hoping that you live in or very close to the Burbank area. Goes without saying, single is preferred. I met a guy once who said he had three roommates and he did: his wife and two kids. Don’t pull that kind of bullshit. It demeans you and your poor family and makes women want to kick your ass. Honesty is everything with me. I love strong men who know where they are and where they are going. Love what you do. Please be fit and able to keep up with me. Energy! Energy! I don’t care what you look like or how short or tall you are but I need you to be confident and healthy in spirit, mind and body. Hopefully some of my passions will resonate with yours and we can find all kinds of groovy ways to pass the days. I’d like to meet someone who is worth getting excited about and who gets excited about me.
All that being said let’s talk about sex now. If I’ve managed to hold your interest so far, that is…..
Be assured I have the experience, inate know-how and pure animal lust to make you very happy you were born a man. I’m very sensual and I’m not looking for another male friend. I crave intimacy very much. My young, nutty and slutty days are long past but my ideal hope is to meet a man who makes me feel safe and comfortable enough to wallow, roll and squish around in all the wonders of fuck/love/lust/suck/spank/torment/throat/anal/tears/ooze. Something sort of like that. I may not being saying it well but you get the idea, big boy. It doesn’t come easy and I need something to back it up but man…I’d really love to meet that guy who can make me feel all that trashy, romancic stuff.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Please, please pleeeeeeeeeeese let me know a little bit about who and what you are, your age (please be mature), where you live (very important to me!) and if so inspired then please leave your phone number. This cyber-romance malarkey isn’t my thing. I’m into meeting pretty quickly and seeing how we click and going from there. The less time I’m stuck being this computer screen the better.
Thank you!
Which of these sound good?
